Essay Review 3

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Cuihua Lin

Mr. Hayes

English100 [1:10-2:00]

4/10/13

Words Count: 808

                                                The Successful of the Occupy Movement

            The occupy movement is not stand for anything, but it appears in the Capitalist society. It is which civilians want to get more participation opportunities because they are dissatisfaction for the society. From the occupy movement, even though it includes difference people of many colors, genders, and political persuasions, the one thing they all have in common is that “We are 99%” that will no longer tolerate the greed and corruption of the 1%.  They are using some ways to achieve their occupy movement and also encourage the use of nonviolence to maximize the safety of all participation. I have read three articles, first, “The occupy Movement Needs Real Leaders and Real Goals,” written by Aksjara Sekar and Deborah.  Second, Maria Armoundian writes “In order to Succeed, the Occupy Movement Needs to Broaden Its Focus.” Last, “the Occupiers Need to Mobilize Students and Unions to Succeed,” which is written by Laird Harrison. Those articles which discus how the occupiers to make successful of the occupy movement. To make stronger and successful of the occupy movement, the real leaders, real goals, and unions have become much- discussed topic.

            There are many perspectives on it, some more critical than others. However, what does it take for occupy to be successful? Akshara Sekar and Deborah Soung, both authors have positive view, argue only choose leaders and agree on common goals that will keep the movement organized because of they can easy to achieve their goals of changing society. Sekar and Soung say that the occupy movement to be successful which “having a leader does not mean stooping to corruption; having a leader who proves more efficient, effective and trustworthy than the likes of largely disliked corporate officials such as Leo Apotheker, former CEO [chief executive officer] of Hewlett- Packard, means elevating the movement about the level of the mighty One Percent.” In this case, he acknowledge that the positive way to be successful of the occupy Movement which need to leaders to achieve their goals. He mentions that leaders play an important role to the occupy movement because leaders can help them to organize the occupy movement.

            To compare Sekar and Soung’s perspectives, Maria’s perspectives play less positive way than Sekar and Soung. Maria Armoudian is an author, a fellow at the University of Southern California’s Center for International Studies, and the host and producer of the Pacifica Radio programs The Scholars’ Circle and The Insighters. She describes the success of the occupy movement as political movement. She says that “Political movements begin with a spark-powerful communications, ideas and demonstrations.” From this quotation, Maria notes that the movement can evolve into a true force of change. In her perspective, she mentions that if they want to be successful of the occupy movement, it has made political fairness and equality. She also says that “Political entrepreneurs were engaged at every level of society, particularly in the halls of power in every level government.” She definitions the successful movement which is changing the system because of the movements are institutionalized the transformations that they sought.

            To fully understand what these authors are saying, we must know how they defining the successful occupy movement. For Sekar and Soung, to be successful of the occupy movement consist of real leaders and real goals as well as individual’s occupy movement. However, Maria’s perspectives are different with Sekar and Soung. She describes “the protester need to employ the media and at the same time launch initiatives to change the political system from within. Precious civil right movements have taken their battles to the courts and legislatures, and the occupy movement might have to follow in their steps to reach their high-minded goals.” Maria uses the different way to make her own definitions. She define that being successful of the occupy movement needs to change the political system. Her definition could be used to the some protesters as the successful of the occupy movement.

          With Sekar and Soung’s definitions, does occupiers mobilize students to make the occupy movement successfully or need leaders? Laird Harrision is a novelist and multimedia journalist, a correspondent for TIME and people magazines, and writes many national magazines and newspapers. He says that “In an effort to keep the momentum going, the occupy movement set its sights on influencing the upcoming presidential elections with rallies and protests, changing the fabric of national banking, and becoming an even greater presence online- from social media to international news outlets.” Harrison defines this that American society drives greed and injustice by some people. In his perspectives, he hopes the fabric of the people can change a system they deem corrupt. In this definition, he may acknowledge occupy of the economy.  he is more talks about how to select the right way.

           

           

                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Midterm Reflection

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Cuihua Lin

Hayes

English100 Midterm

3/16/13

Word Count: 955

1) Required Reflection: Syllabus

             At the beginning, before I read the course overview: Reading As A Writer, I think the only thing that we need to do is reading. Then I use the details to write an essay with the knowledge that I learned from reading. However, when I finished reading the Reading As A Writer, I recognized that it was not the same as what I thought.  Reading As A Writer talks about how to distinguish between the content of a work of non-fiction and how to know about a text’s rhetorical situation, which is “combination of context, purpose, and audience.” It looks like they say/ I say pattern which includes difference arguments, audiences, and opinions. Also, Reading As A Writer introduces to how to make the ability to analyze and respond critically to the text. In order to know more about this knowledge, I have read some articles such as “Casinos Aren’t to Blame”, which not only has they say/ I say pattern, but also it has argument for each audience. With this article I learned how to write a critique and respond an essay.

3) Reflection: Writing Process

            To write an essay, I have followed to the professor’s outline that he lists. For my experience, when I read an article, I need to read at least two times. For the first time, I read it roughly, I try to know about what the article talks about; for the second time, I annotate each paragraph when I read. After finishing reading, I usually make a group with classmates so that we can discuss the article and create ideals, which will be easy to organize an essay.  Then I will bring the ideas to write the outline of my essay. To make a clear outline, I will fist to write the thesis and the topic sentences of each body paragraphs. I think that this part is the most important to organize an essay. When I start to write the first draft, I do not care much about the grammar, but I am focused on structure of my essay. To write the second draft, I usually develop and organize my essay because I did not do it well on the first draft. Last, due to having specific paragraphs, I only need to focus on the proof reading of my final draft.

6) Reflection on Essay 2

            For this assignment, I want to share the experience with my writing. Our group chose some articles about “Teens Driving” as our column. We chose this column because it has many arguments, and also it has many common issues around our lives. In my essay #2, I argued the three authors’ articles, and I pointed out that which one is the most effective. In addition, I used they say/ I say pattern and used Toulmin Diagram to analyze each of the columns. After reviewing my essay, I think the finest of my essay are introduction, thesis, and topic sentences because I am in favor of spending more time to write them at first.  However, I feel there is a bit weakness in my essay, which the explanation of some parts of my body paragraph is not quite clear. Finally, I wish I can learn more writing skills from “aims of argument” to improve my following essays.

7) Reflection: Sentence Craft

            I couldn’t say my essay’s sentence craft whether good or not, but I think if I have a clear organization and the development in my essay, it will improve my essay’s value. As an English learner, sometimes I will use Chinese to structure my sentences first, and then I translate it to English.  This situation leads me to make incorrect sentences.  For instance, when I wrote my first essay, I wrote some sentences’ structure are not correct such as “Having the art, our live can be more interesting; having the art, we can express our mind easier.”  This one may affect my draft. Therefore, in order to improve my sentence craft, I will go to the writing center to get help, and I always try my best to memorize some useful and perfect sentence structures. Also, I will learn more how to organize my sentence. I believe, with my hard efforts, that I can write essays by using sentence craft in the near future.

10) Reflection: Writing Process

            In my essay #1, I have a big change between the rough draft and final draft. I learn that I can hook readers’ interest by writing a conversation as my introduction’s opening sentence. For instance, in my rough draft’s introduction, I didn’t use conversation to write my introduction. I only started to write: “My cousin who prefers to draw art even though her parents disagree her to learn to draw. Her parents think that it is not relate to the major that her parents want her to take….. I will list the most common styles of the art.”  After I wrote my final draft, in order to improve my draft for being more specific, I used the conversation to open my introduction. “When my cousin plans to take art major, her parents disagree with her. My cousin’s parents said, ‘You have to take other major like engineering or business because those majors are better for you to get a good life in the future.’ My cousin responded, ‘Art is noble which has a wonderful melody and includes simple of true line. With the art, we can express our mind easier.’” I rewrote this as my introduction that is more interest and can hook readers. This is what I learned from the writing process. With this writing skill, I am going to write better essays.

           

           

           

           

                       

final essay2

 

Cuihua Lin

Mr. Hayes

English100 [1:10-2:00]

3/4/13
Revise Essay 2

Word account: 1401                        

            Teens’ Driving

The car is the most common means of transportation in the United States, and there are lots of teenagers who are allowed to drive under than the age of 18. However, the current age limit to 16-18 year-old new drivers increases the percentage of cars’ collision because they are too young, and they lack experiences and knowledge about driving. In order to learn more about teenager driving, I have read three articles. From these three articles, the writers talk about the issue on teens’ distracted driving. Each of them has individual arguments to the teens’ distracted driving. In addition, the writers express their own unique claims.  Leonard Sax writes an article, “Teens Should Be Encouraged to Participate in Supervised Street Racing.” Sax provides powerful reasons and evidences to explain his points. However, the other two articles, “Federal Graduated Driver Licensing Would Reduce Teen Crashes” which was written by Lori Johnston, and “Distracted Driving”, a viewpoint which provided the reasons to explain their opinions. Reading those articles, I selected one article to show the most convincing view than other two. I believe that Leonard Sax’s argument is the most persuasive among the three because he has powerful reasons and evidences to explain his claims or opinions. However, the other two writers, “Distracted Driving” and Lori Johnston’s arguments make it less convincing than Leonard Sax’s because they seem to argue their own side on the issue and lack testimonies to prove their claim.

            Leonard Sax’s argument is the most effective because he uses evidences to prove his claim. To prove his argument is more convincing than the other two’s, Sax argues that the Race-Legal program which is pioneered by Bender, the San Diego State professor, is an effective way to reduce teens’ reckless driving and street racing because of this program which can reduce teenagers drive recklessly. Before Race-Legal program is established, many teens died from reckless driving because they do not accept formal training. After Bender had set this program that gave teens a safe place for training driving, deaths from the reckless driving or street racing were reduced. In this argument, Sax says, “The most effective way to prevent teenagers from participating in street racing is to let them race on designated race on designated racetracks, under adult supervision” (Sax). This statement not only shows evidences in his useful claims, but also it provides teens a safe place for driving, so I agree that Sax’s argument is the most effective. Because teens are too young to lack experience, and they do not have a designated place to drive training, they are usually reckless drivers when they drive on the road. They drive faster than standard speed even if they know it is dangerous. With Sax’s argument, he uses Bender’s idea to show evidence that teenagers should go to the designated place to drive racing.  According to Sax’s idea, most teens do not drive recklessly. Even though Sax’s argument does not stop teens’ reckless driving, it can reduce the number of teens’ driving recklessly if they go to the designated place to drive until they are familiar with driving. Therefore, I think Sax’s point is most persuasive because he bases his argument on Bender’s idea which serves useful to the issue.

            In order to show persuasive evidence in his opinion, Leonard Sax uses another point to prove why teens drive recklessly. Sax argues that education is not enough for teenagers’ safe driving. He points out that although the time spent on education is useful for teens, sometimes education may lead teens to go to the wrong ways. In one part of his column, he says that the government warns teenagers not to take drugs and it tells them how dangerous it is if they take drugs, but teenagers feel that drugs are good things while they are more likely to take it. Sax mentions in this case that he thinks education also doesn’t solve the problem of teenagers’ reckless driving because of teens are new drivers who feel driving will be a fun thing. He points out that, “Teenagers who drive down public roads at 90 mph know they are doing something dangerous. They’re doing it, in part, because of the danger. Telling them that it’s dangerous isn’t likely to get them to stop”(Sax). It is a good assumptionth th that will help to prove Sax’s claim. In his explanation that no matter how much their parents or other adult people teach them how dangerous it is if they drive recklessly, teens still bring the excited emotion to drive as faster as they can, and even they know it is dangerous. Sax’s relevant data to prove education is not useful for teens driving. However, I think his points are effective because they have explained why education is not useful for teens driving. Sax’s article gives us more evidences and explanation that makes his claims more persuasive than the other two’s.

 The other writers, “Distracted Driving” and Lori Johnston are less convincing because they are lacking proofs in their claims. In the article, “Distracted Driving” which argues that the higher percentage of the distraction of driving is caused by use of cell phones by drivers. The article mentions that, “teens rise of mobile text messaging, a great deal of research, press attention, and legislative debate have been devoted to the issue of distracted driving” (Distracted Driving). In this statement “Distracted Driving” writes that teens shouldn’t talk to cell phone when they are driving.  It indicated that “distracted Driving” only talks about its opinion with the claim, and it doesn’t have specific relevant data to support its claim. Another article, Lori Johnston argues when teenagers drive their cars, they should follow three stages of licensing, which are passenger limits, late-night driving limits, and cell phone ban. Most people would agree to their claims, but I disagree because their arguments lack testimonies to prove their claim. “The safe teen and novice driver uniform protection act is a vaccination to protect teens in a very high risk and very potentially fatal environment.” This case is from Johnston’s article. In Johnston’s statement that he only lists three stages requirements, and teens need to follow the stages while they are driving, but they do not prove that how useful it is if teens do the three stages. There is not enough relevant data in the Johnston’s article, so I think his article less effective than others’ articles.

Although “Distracted Driving” has some useful evidences, it fails to explain and provides evidences for his claim, which makes his article less effective than Leonard Sax’s column. Sax writes about the ways of teenagers’ distracted driving, for how to prevent teenagers’ reckless driving, and how education is not enough to help teens’ distracted driving. From Sax’s article, there is a person, called Robyn Solomon, points out that, “Parents need to be talking to their kids and explaining to them the risk.” This point is one of methods that can reduce teens’ distracted driving. Sax has many specific details to prove that how teenagers can reduce reckless driving. He shows the specific relevant data that supports why his article is more effective than others’. “Distracted Driving” uses useful evidence to prove its claim. I agree with points of “Distracted Driving”, which “Distractions that can impair driving ability come in three categories: manual, visual, and cognitive”(Distracted Driving). However, the points are only writes about the reason of teenagers’ distracted driving and owners’ opinion, but there is not evidence to support its opinion. Because of without specific evidences, I don’t think its claim can persuade people. If “Distracted Driving” had used more relevant data to prove his argument, it would have created a more effective way to prove its claim.

Overall among, three articles, Leonard Sax’s article is more effective than other two because he has specific reasons and evidences to provide his argument. I think if we want to decrease teens’ distracted driving in the future, teens should not use cell phone or text with others when they are driving; in addition, before teens start to drive, their parents should teach them the driving skills. If teens learn all of driving skills, they will decrease the crashes rate. I have been driven for one year. Even though I am a new driver, I never do the reckless driving because I pay attention to drive. Therefore, I think if teenagers pay attention to their driving, it will lower the crashes rate.

                                                             Work Cite

“Distracted Driving” opposing Viewpoints Online Collection. Detroit: Gale, 2012. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013

Johnston, Lori. "Federal Graduated Driver Licensing Would Reduce Teen Crashes.” Teen

        Driving. Ed. Michele  Siuda Jacques. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2013. At issue.

        Rpt. from "Federal Driver's Licensing Bill Seeks to Put the Brakes on Teen Auto

        Accidents." 2011. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.

Sax, Leonard. "Teens Should Be Encouraged to Participate in Supervised Street Racing."

Cars in America. Ed. Andrea C. Nakaya. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2006. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "Teens Will Speed. Let's Watch Them Do It." Washington Post 28 Nov.   2004: B8. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 2 Mar. 2013.

essay2 Review1

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Cuihua Lin

Mr. Hayes

English 100 [1:10-2:00]

1/20/13

                                                Teens Driving

             The car is the most common transportation tool in the United States, and there are lots of teenagers who are allowed to drive under than 18.  However, increasing teens driving will increase cars’ collision because they are too young, and they lack experiences when they are driving. In order to learn more about the teens driving, I have read the three articles. “Distracted Driving” an article that published in a national problem by Gale, wrote about the subject of the distracted driving phenomenon in the US. This phenomenon reflects that using the cell phones is the main point that causes teens driving distraction.

There are so many reasons that lead teens’ driving distraction, and the three writers have found some ways to solve the problems. Dr. Sax judges another article, “Teen Should Be Encouraged to Participate in Supervised Street Racing” with his own opinion, which Dr. Sax claims that education is not an effective way to prevent accidents. He provides powerful reasons and evidences to explain his point why driving education is not effective. However, the last article, “Federal Graduated Driver Licensing Would Reduce Teen Crashes” which was written by Lori Johnston, who provides the reasons to explain his own opinion why federal graduated driver licensing can reduce teens’ crashes rate. All of these writers argue, essentially, that we should use some ways to decrease teens distracted driving. Dr. Sax’s argument stands out, though, because of his thorough refutation of possible objection to his argument. Each of other writers not only seem to be argued upon the basis of personal feeling alone, but also they fail to refute obvious objections, which makes their arguments less convincing than Dr. Sax.

            Dr. Sax uses refutation throughout his column, which makes his work more convincing than Gale and Lori Johnston. To evidence his opinion, Dr. Sax points out two aspects of the phenomenon of teens driving. One of the aspects is an epidemic of reckless driving by teenagers. Dr. Sax points out of “We are in an epidemic of death and injury caused by reckless driving.” It means teenagers do not focus on driving when they drive cars. For instance, when they are driving cars, they may do other things such as using cell phones to text messages, which shows the reckless driving. In order to reduce reckless driving, Robyn Solomon, the president of the Winston Churchill High School Parent Teacher Student Association said, “Parents need to be talking to their kids and explaining to them the risk.” As parents, they not only teach them how to drive, but also they should let their children practice enough before children drive alone. Like this, it not only reduces teens’ reckless driving, also can increase their experiences.

Another aspect is about that education may not stop teens’ reckless driving. Usually, teenagers learn some things when they are educated. However, he think that sometimes the education will lead to teenagers go to the wrong way. Dr. Sax, who writes about the government teaches teenagers to not eat the drugs, and tells them how dangerous if they eat drugs, but teenagers feel that drugs are fresh things while they are more likely to use it. Similarly, Dr. Sax believes the education also doesn’t solve the problem of reckless driving. As a result, Dr. Sax’s argument is effective way to prove that education may not stop teens’ reckless driving.

Both Gale and Lori Johnston’s arguments don’t adequately support their opinion, which makes their points less effective. From Gale’s argument, people have more bias on it. Gale points out, “Many commentators attributed the rise in distracted driving to the ever-increasing popularity of cell phones and texting, especially among the young.” In this case, I learn that using cell phone is not only and main reason leads teens’ distracted driving. Leading teenagers distracted driving have some other important reasons. For example, even though teenagers are allowed to drive, they lack experiences. I think unfamiliar driving will lead teens to get into accidents. Also, teens may distract when they talk to others or eat food, which increases the accident rates. All of these examples show that Gale’s point is less effective.

The same to the Gale’s article, Lori Johnston’s article also is not effective. In his claim that, “American Academy of pediatrics and the insurance institute for highway safety if teens have graduated driver licensing,” which indicates that teens who would reduce accident rates have graduated driver licensing. Johnston’s opinion looks like benefit for teens driving, but I think his opinion is not enough convincing. Because teens lack driving skills, it increases the accident rate. Without a good driving skills, teens usually do not have highly strain capacity.  In order to be excited, teens drive very fast even they know that is dangerous. In this case that indicates Johnston’s article is less effective.

Although Gale uses some evidences to prove his opinion, the way he fails to fully explain these statistics make his evidences less effective than Johnston’s. Comparing two articles, Johnston’s evidence is more convincing because his opinion is useful for teens, and he has a good explanation. In the article, Johnston points out, “The Federal Standup Act is a vaccination to protect teens in a very high-risk and very potentially fatal environment.” The federal standup act establishes some requirements for states such as when teens under 21 drive on the road, they should have a licensed driver who is over 21 in the vehicle. To prove this experiment is benefit, Jacqueline Gillan, the president of Advocates for highway and Auto Safety, a member of the Saferads4 teens, practices teens should have federal graduated driving licensing. Finally, the research has found that teens with graduated driver’s licensing programs can decrease their crashes rate. I agree this program is effective with teens while they are driving. In contract, Gale’s article is less effective because he fails to explain the problem. Gale writes about using the cell phone is the main point that leads teens distracted driving. Actually, this is true point, but leading teens to distracted driving have many reasons such as eating food while they are driving. Nevertheless, I think Johnston’s claim is better than Gale’s.

 Overall the tree articles, leading teens to distract driving that have many reasons such as use cellphone and lack driving skills. To decrease teens distracted driving in the future, teens should not use cell phone when they are driving. Also, before teens start to drive, their parents should teach them the driving skills. If teens learn all of driving skills, they will decrease the crashes rate. I have been driven for one year. Even though I am a new driver, I never do the reckless driving because I pay attention to drive. Then I think if teenagers pay attention to their drive, there will be fewer crashes rate than before.

critique3

Cuihua Lin

Mr. Hayes

English100 [1:10-2:00]

1/11/13

Words account

                                     Federal Graduated Driver Licensing Would Reduce Teen Crashes

                  Federal graduated driver licensing is an effective way of the teen driving, Lori Johnston writes about his opinion in an article, “Federal Graduated Driver Licensing Would Reduce Teen Crashes.” I agree with Johnston’s claim that teens driving need to have federal graduate licensing because teens can reducing crashes and insurance rate. In order to make many people agree with claim, Johnston provides the power reasoning and evidence to explain to his audiences why federal graduate driver licensing can reduce teen crashes and insurance rate. Although I agree with Johnston’s claim, his article is not fully persuasive due to the federal graduated driver licensing is not effective way to teens, as well as increasing the crashes and insurance rates are from they lack  experience or lack education.

                  Johnston fails to elaborate his opinion because of the lack details in his article. In Johnston’s article, his audiences consist of the crashes and insurance rate by teens. That’s why he decides to plan this situation as an aiming to stop teen crashes. He points out that the American Academy of  pediatrics and the insurance insitute for highway safety if teens have federal graduateed driver licening. In his audience that he establishes the requirements for states which is the passenger limits, bans on non-emergency use of cellphones, and late-night driving limits. However, those states are not agreed by most people. Although Johnston’s opinions are aware that those states store some of driving benife,  does not have a power unpersuasive.

                  As a argument  to Johnston’s audiences, I disagree with his opinons and audiences. Due to teens have highly crashes rate  cause they lack of experience. For instance, when teens drive on the road, they lack of technology. Without  a good technology, they usually don’t have own self –control. In order to find excite, teens drive fast even they know that way is dangerous. Also, because teens are new drivers, their parents don’t buy the new car to them. Then usaually old cars doesn’t have a break, it also can leads to teens have highy crashes rate. In those resons which can evidence the argument who I disagree with Johnston’s audience. Johnoston also argues that teens should not drive under 21. This is not persuasion becasue even teens over 21 that they also have to high rate of crashes and insurance.

                  In the article, “ Fedreal Graducate Driving Licensing  Would Reduce Teens Crashes.” Johnston fails to argument

Critique2

 

Cuihua Lin

Mr. Hayes

1/8/13

words account:519

                                    Teen Driving

Dr. Sax pushed his opinion on an article, “Teen Should Be Encouraged to Participate in Supervised Street Racing.”  I agree his claim that education is negative effective way to reduce dangerous when teenagers drive car. He claims that education is not an effective way to prevent this dangerous activity. He provides suffice reason and evidence to explain his audience why the education is not useful to teenagers when they are driving. Although I agree with Sax’s claim. His article was not fully persuasive due the negative for positive help teenagers to drive safety. I argue that Sax’s claim is lack of emphasis on teenagers’ personal responsibility for their own self-control.

Sax fails to elaborate to his opinion, which he argues teenagers should participate in supervised street racing. In Sax’s article, his audience to reduce the teenagers’ epidemic of reckless driving.  Which is why Sax decides to plan his opinion as an opponent in his argument. He points out, “We are in an epidemic of death and injury cause by reckless driving.” That means most teenagers lack of experience when they drive on the road. Sax also points out, even though teenagers have been educative before they take drive license, they still do the reckless driving. In his audience that education may not be the answer such as when people want to discourage illegal drug use was teenagers about the risk, people will teaches teenagers how dangerous of the drug. However, teenagers feel drug is interesting thing, they still touch it no matter how they parents or teachers teach. In those audiences aware some of agreement, but does not prove them that his argument outweigh those benefit.

            Bender, the San Diego State professor, who point out that “there were 16 deaths and serious injuries attributed to reckless driving and street racing in San Diego in 2002.” His claim that when teenagers or young men drive car, they should wear helmets, and be sure their car are checked for safety features. In his evidence, in 2004 San Diego has had no deaths attributed to reckless driving or street racing. With this reason, teenagers not only participate in supervise street racing can reduce their dangerous while they are driving, also wear helmets can prove them.

            In return, in Sax’s article “teen Should Be Encouraged to Participate in Supervised Street Racing.” Although I agree with his claim that education is not effect way to teenagers, his argument could have been more persuade. To better persuade his audience, Sax should not refute the positive of the education do not effect way to teenagers so quickly. He should have clearly contrast the opposing opinion in order to persuade his audience that his claim and opinion on the   principle of the reason.  If we agree Sax’s claim and opinion, we would not been go to school to accept the education every day because he said education is not effect way. Then I argue that education is effect way to the teenagers. If we have to accept education, we can learned many useful things including we are driving.

Essay2 critique1

Cuihua Lin

Mr. Hayes

English 100[1:10-2:00]

Words account:519

                                                Distracted Driving

            “Distracted Driving” an article published in a national problem by Gale, written about the subject of the distracted driving phenomenon in the US. This phenomenon reflects the people lack of experience on their driving. Gale believes that using the cell phones is the main points to lead driver distraction. I agree with his point of view. However, I think his points are not conveying all the reason for the distracted driving and is as a result is not convincing enough to his target audience – the national problems which include other reasons such as communication with passenger and eating things.

            As a person lives in the US, I drive the car every day here. I would have liked to read his view of points, which abundant testify by more evidence and express the real matter around our lives. I personally feel that I agree with many of issue discussed. In the article, Gale argued that using the cell phone was a main point of the national problem, which can make driver distraction, which I appreciated. I agree with his example, he pointed out the distracted driving looks like “inattention blindness.” With this issue, Gale indicate that drivers usually run red light, or get into a deadly collision because they fail to pay attention to things that are squarely in the field of vision. However, leading drivers fail to pay attention to things that may be eating something, or drinking too much when they are driving.

            It certainly is true that Gale wrote about the subject of the distraction driving. In 2009, the American Automobile Association did the survey. In the AAA poll, there are 58% of the drivers talking on cell phones while driving as a serious threat. In fact, most talking on cell phones while driving are teenagers because they inexperience drivers. I think that teenagers have those problems to follow their parents. Under their parents influenced that leads most teenagers to distract driving. In the distracted driving phenomenon, I suggest that Gale can cite more of reasons which lead a driver distraction such as communicate from their car despite the danger to themselves or drive own car to long too enough time to sleep.

            I think there’s a practical problem with this phenomenon. Gale point out the reason might can help drivers distraction, but it is not only the reason help drivers distraction. Then I don’t think talking on cell phones is the main point to lead drive distraction. If drivers passages with others while they are driving, they would be unsafe because they couldn’t pay attention to drive. Also, if a driver drive too long to enough time to sleep, they would be get accident easily because of the tired eyes lead him/ her to drive careless.

            Even though I think that a driver talk cell phone while they are driving car is not the main reason, this subject invokes many issues. Overall, I agree with Gale’s claim “ Distracted Driving.” However, lacking example makes him argument weaker. He should added more explanation to the national problems.